After some salty sea trials and tribulations, I occasionally find myself marina-washing my shorts and longs. My lights, darks, salty-soggy-dirty loads often fill heavy-duty machines while coined or token-driven washers/dryers often empty my coin-heavy pockets and feed these whirling-churning caldrons. Gladly this challenge does often not combat schools of dirty bottom-boaters crowding the laundry facilities or hogging these boxy-spinners. The real challenge is coaxing and cajoling them actually to clean and dry. Sadly, they spin a reputation for half-completion turning and churning. Not really a crime, not even a misdemeanor. Or is it?
These not-so-smooth operators tend towards a temperamental, uncooperative, unresponsive, misbehavior nature. When they encounter fearless yachters who have probably faced numerous nautical challenges and just stepped a sweaty foot upon a nearby dock and venture into their humming humid environs neither of them know each other's not-so-hot latest performances. While many a salted sag may first yearn for a cold brew and a warm body; he might be better off with a clean and dry pair of shorts. It's not much to ask from a few rounded coins to take a spin, clean one's rags or dry them out. But as these white scavengers devour our tokens, they also spend our quarters' hours. Despite some naysayers, some of these machismos might occasionally spin a good yarn, but most will likely either dry your load in a day or clean you out of your spare change. But one can always count on their unreliability, vague instructions and coin hunger. Like some homeless beggars at a soup kitchen, they line-up waiting their handout feedings. Careful, don't get taken in and too tired of their spin. These culprits mastered in thievery. Beware - if they take your coin, efforts and time, you may be forced back-to-the-boat-hanging-on-some-lifeline-railing-time. Clothespins, some sun and a warming breeze may have a better dry sense of humor than this shaky line-up of mechanical suspects.
If washing and drying machines could somehow could communicate more than just drum and hum their voices. If they could voice their machinations, their monotone monologue might sound a bit racy. They are, after all, cleaning sailor-boat dirt, grim and brine so they must be durable and dutiful. Ah, ''tis a dream to expect them to possess such staying power. They are at times neither loyal or faithful. So if you come to some marina and can tolerate their tawdry talk, come to listen to these dirt cheap boxes spin and churn their filthy loads; some come clean, some can be hot while others wane, wax and whine their turns. Oh, for an honest lot! Just a simple clean and dry will do!
"All of you are so filthy. Where have you been? What have you been up to? Get off of her, Clothes. Your time is up! Come on, off with them. Quit stalling. You've had your time.... been hanging on him and her too long...'just getting down and dirty, you say'.
'Tis time to clean up your act, girl. Come on, put yourself in here. Come clean now; I'm not going to tell you twice. Ah, this isn't your first time is it?...You ashore have been washed up on some sandy beach. What's all this sand in your suit? Hey, where did all this salt come from?
Off with them. In they go. You know the drill. You're done this run before; you and you and you and you and you..into the washer now....what's the hold-up? in with you...let's get you all washed up, cleaned up good for late wear. Let's get your act together now. Let's clean up your act! A good scrub in the tub. That warm water will ring you louts out. And a trip around our merrygoround will dry you guys out. Wait here while we take care of your attire. We are going to wear you inside and out.
Tighty whitie? Tidy whitie? Tiny holy? Drop your trousers; Take them those jeans off, Strip down...off with them...off with them. Both legs! Now breath the fresh air!
First, let's toss you in with all your other soiled and dirty shorts and longs...put each of those huggers and buggers in. Probably all need a real good soaking and cleansing right away. Don't fret; you aren't done yet. You'll be done in no time...a few more spins...put you through a few fast cycles...the buzzer will buzz you when you are done...then out to dry. you can hang out all afternoon
These three washers, look like they have been around the ringer, there are reasons they aren't being used; their empty; let's fill them. I bought some tokens, two per per wash and dry. Push their buttons to heavy load - cold then hot - wash cycle. Don't open the lid on these old machines that stops their cycle. Stops them; have to feel them vibrate to know their on. Not all those little lights work. They been here a while; just wait your turn.,,,their turn and churn!
Ah, maybe I used a little too much deter-gent last week so so today adding a different "gent". This time around. I dropped in a few new additives - some bio-grads - to mix in with those dainties and delicates and overalls
Could be I have used too many deter-gents...too many different ones. They all get mixed up - don't remember their names!
This should do the trick. There we go, give those whites and darkies a good soaking in some cold water first. Add a cup of bleach later for some of those tough to remove stains.
Then if I have to, I'll add some starch to that warm water - that will whiten and stiffen those men-things.
Not to worry. She's 'spin around the block. She's been in hot water before. Used full cup sizes once too often...she's worn out these extra dirty jeans, she knows her genes and gents. But her threads are a little bare. Patience, she's not all washed up yet. She's in her rinse cycle now. She's 'spin around the block. She's just revving up. Give her time; she'll pull out fine. The dryer is wrinkle free
Look, Leslie loaded her machine. Filled it up doing and during our mixer. Yesterday Ellen was complaining how hard up she was to find a really good washer / cleanser / deter-gent here. I told her she has to shop around...she should not settle on any token Tom, Dick or Harry machines. Then Rodney stood up and eyed her needs. Said something like "we all have dirty laundry." She told him she didn't like snakes in her grass so she shaves herself and all her un-men-tionables before she does her laundry, sometimes if they are real handy, she asks for manual. Not any old manuals if they are good trimmers. If so, she requests them shave her limbs and loins before they prune her shrubbery, pick fruit from her orchard, lay down on her beaches or taste her tomato patch.
Push it in her. Now Push the rinse cycle. Spin her around until she's good and dry....not until she cries...until she dries....wash off all her seamen. They are a salty bunch. They will leave stains on your carpet if you ain't careful. She may need a second or third spin with all her cummings, goings and kneelings...these men are awfully dirty. She really needs to clean up her act.
Lets give her another cycle. Let's use a stronger insurr-gent this time around. Put her on the heavy duty machine - with Harley. Harley will give her a good run for her money. Run and rev her for a good 40 minutes @ 40 rpm.She should be warm, soft and tender by then. We don't want to wear her out.
Here's Linda just finished her first load of the day, ridden Harley's cycle she has to be done by noon so let's come over here, pull her out and dry her off before she has to take her leave. Let's hand her to over to Manuel, "She looks like she has had it. Manuel"; ,let's give her to manual. Let's open her manual, let's Man her well, let Manuel put her on his line
You could hang-out back at the boat could Use this special clothesline and these clothespins; she'll dry off in no time hanging out around here. An hour on the line, she's be done. She can then wear those whites under any of her covers. Her sheets should be ready as well. She'll be 2 sheets to the wind tonight.
You clothes getting closer to clean now, doesn't that felt better?
Take them out and fold them over here on the table.
Like our dirty laundry, our thoughts and feelings are often awash within warming swirling, spinning water in soaking DETERgents. We turn them on to clean and dry. Ah, but we are still left with their sorting and folding until a machine takes that intimacy away from us.