More Inside than Out
I woke one morning in Marine Stadium to discover a motor yacht anchored near my Mystique. I wondered if its skipper had given much thought when he set its anchor in the evening dark.
The next morning was placid and windless so there was no danger of our boats bumping; however, with fickle Floridian weather, the situation could have been quite different. Because I had anchored first, the captain of the other vessel could not have known how much scope I had let out on my anchor rode. So how could the anchorers know how safe it was for our two vessels not to collide? Did they know anything about anchoring?
"Henry, you think too much. You live in your head."
"Really?.........and where do you reside?"
So where do thoughts live in people's lives? in their relationships? in their approvals? In their perceptions? In their bodies? In their pasts? In their emotions? In their feelings? In their fears? In their friendships? In their family? In their music? with a therapist? All of these? Do others' thoughts only appear occasionally? Certainly others consider or think about life? Certainly ideas fascinate? Dreams? Fantasies? Ideas? Apparently, too much thinking can be scary for some people. I do remember in school as a student and teacher it was sometimes uncool to be smart. For many, fitting in was more important than standing out.
"Too much"? Is too much thought dangerous or deleterious? Will brains somehow explode from overload. Maybe think less? Share less? Maybe talk less? Maybe talk more slowly? Dummy-it-down? Live a duller existence to satisfy some lower standard? Maybe I should emote more!? Could it be that some people prefer mindlessness or thoughtlessness? Maybe numb and dumb helps many cope! Maybe ignorance is bliss. Maybe our the 2016 presidential election results may provide an answer. Maybe human approval and acceptance issues are the problem. All interesting considerations if one is a thinker though not good sense if one isn't.
Some of my friends have noted I live in my head. I'm pretty sure they weren't referring to my vessel's toilet. Though when I reconsider that thought and consider my friends, it's entirely possible. Most are probably noticing my active imagination. One friend says she doesn't understand me while another says I'm interesting while another thinks I can be provocative and yet another knows my deep empathy and sensitivity. So it is, people tend to portray others from their own limited comfort zone. Acceptance of difference does not come easy for many of us.
Sadly fake happiness is sometimes based on outside considerations. Maybe others live in their eyes. If It's out of sight, it's out of mind! Many men live in their body's sexual desire. Some live in a world of stuff - possessions and materialism. Some only value life by their salary or status. Beauty, bounty and body often delude the mind. So it is no wonder that many look outside themselves to find themselves. All there is there is a facade holding a fragile foundation together.
I think there are other explanations why I occasionally hear that head comment. One possible answer is I openly share my thoughts to engage in an intelligent conversation. Not to be right or prove another wrong or to be confrontational. Another possibility is to consider multiple possibilities for situations as if I'm inviting solutions or suggestions for understanding. But many are somehow threatened by thought. And another large portion of society is uncomfortable expressing feeling.
Living on my catamaran Mystique, I live in and out doors simultaneously, so to speak. Living on a boat means I float. I'm on it when I'm in and out. Most of the time I'm not only living on clean clear, salt water, but also on clean air. When I go ashore, I paddle out and away from my vessel on my kayak 100 yards or so to my car, but I enter into a ground-based solid, hardened world. Sometimes I motor my dinghy ashore to get out of my insides and floating fantasy. While I come ashore not to get grounded or eat solid food, but to take care of outside interests and concerns.
When I got outside myself a few years ago, I found trouble. Since then, I have been teaching myself to live more inside out. By that I mean greater mindfulness and more open, attentive interactions with others as well as my self.
Yea, In case you're wondering, i have conversations with myself. Don't we all? But now my inner voice witnesses ego, listens to it, regards it and then disregards many of its messages. Now rather than react, I attempt to come from more from within a consciousness of acceptance. I find myself now catching my wounded ego, witnessing my thoughts and even listening to my inner child from time to time. My thinking approach seems to work for me. It keeps me more balanced than ever. Though my brain within another head's history and woundedness, maybe not!